🎙️Episode 11: The Invisible Rulebook - When Following Someone Else's Rules Becomes Your Prison
Sep 02, 2025The Awakening: Working in the Dark
Sometimes the most profound realizations come from the most mundane moments. For Jennifer, it wasn't a career crisis that opened her eyes—it was the overhead lights in her office.
The company had installed motion sensors for energy efficiency, but the sensor was tucked behind her monitors, never detecting her presence. Every 20 minutes, click—darkness. Eventually, she stopped bothering with the overhead lights altogether, working in dim, cave-like glow.
That's when it hit her: She wasn't just working in the dark literally. She had spent 20 years building a life she resented because she'd been living by a rulebook she never agreed to.
The Professional Prison: Rules You Never Signed
The Suffocation Rules
- Don't charge too much (someone might call you greedy)
- Don't promote yourself boldly (it looks desperate)
- Don't take up space in meetings (others might get uncomfortable)
- Don't say no to opportunities (you might not get asked again)
The Leadership Lies
- Be collaborative, not commanding (strong opinions make you difficult)
- Give credit away, take blame personally (that's what good leaders do)
- Work harder than everyone else to prove you belong
- Always be grateful, never question (ambition looks ungrateful)
The Visibility Trap
- Share wins humbly (confidence looks like arrogance)
- Make everything about serving others (personal goals are selfish)
- Downplay your expertise (authority makes people uncomfortable)
- Always be accessible (boundaries mean you don't care enough)
The Research: The Cost of Invisible Compliance
This isn't just personal experience—it's backed by extensive research.
Harvard Business Review documents the double bind women face: The same behaviors praised in men—directness, confidence, authority—often get women labeled "difficult."
The Journal of Applied Psychology found devastating costs for women conforming to unwritten rules:
- 43% lower job satisfaction
- 23% less earnings over careers
- 31% less likely to pursue high-visibility opportunities
This isn't preference—it's identity erosion.
Your Invisible Rulebook Audit
Grab a journal or record a voice note:
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What are three unwritten rules about how I should behave as a professional that I've been following?
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Which leadership or visibility rules have I absorbed that might not actually be true?
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If I didn't have to follow anyone else's rules, what would I do differently?
Don't overthink these. Just get honest. Because once you see the rulebook, you can't unsee it.
The Breakthrough: Rewriting Your Rules
Here's what you need to remember:
- You don't need permission to write your own rules for success
- You don't need validation to want more, charge more, or take up more space
- Awareness without action keeps you stuck in self-reflection
That's why the RISE program starts with "Reclaim: Create from the Future." We don't just name the rulebook—we rewrite it. We activate your future self, use reverse gap planning, and uncover the stuck stories keeping you small.
Because you can't build your future from someone else's rules. You can only build it by creating your own.
Ready to discover which identity mask has been writing your invisible rulebook? Take the free Identity Mask Quiz and begin your journey from following someone else's rules to writing your own.
Your permission to write your own rules starts today.
You’re not just here to listen. You’re here to rise.
This is your space to reconnect with the woman beneath the roles.
These companion notes aren’t fluff. They’re the fuel and the framework behind each episode—crafted to help you integrate the real talk, power prompts, and shifts you’re craving.
Because growth isn't a hack. It's a homecoming.
