Episode 23: The Hidden Cost of Overgiving

November 25, 2025

Episode 23: The Hidden Cost of Overgiving - When Your Generosity Quietly Drains Your Wealth

Episode Summary

You're praised for being the one everyone can count on. The woman who over-delivers, over-functions, and always figures it out. On the surface, it looks like generosity. Underneath, it often hides a deeper belief: If I keep giving, they'll stay. If I keep giving, I'll be safe. If I keep giving, I'll finally feel worthy.

In this powerful episode, Jennifer Damaskos draws a clear line between clean generosity and overgiving—and reveals why one builds wealth while the other quietly drains it. She unpacks the hidden math of the "over-giver wealth equation," shares research on why women carry more emotional labor and burnout at higher rates, and offers a simple three-question test to help you identify when giving has crossed into self-abandonment.

This isn't about stopping your generosity. It's about separating your worth from your output so your giving can be powerful, clean, and sustainable—without depleting your time, energy, or bank account.

Key Topics & Timestamps

[00:00:00] - Introduction: When Generosity Becomes DepletionThe pattern high-achieving women are praised for—right up until it burns them out

[00:01:00] - Generosity vs. Overgiving: Drawing the LineOne says "I choose this from overflow." The other says "I can't not give, even when it hurts."

[00:02:00] - What Overgiving Actually Looks LikeAdding extra work "just this once," discounting rates, being the one who always pays, giving away frameworks for free

[00:03:00] - The Research: Women and Emotional LaborWhy women carry more emotional labor, report higher burnout, and feel underappreciated—backed by data

[00:04:00] - The Over-Giver Wealth EquationHigh output + fuzzy boundaries + unpriced labor = emotional and financial deficit

[00:05:00] - The Three Currencies You're LosingTime, energy, and self-respect—and why the last one is the most expensive

[00:06:00] - The Roots of OvergivingHow childhood patterns of performing, fixing, and shrinking your needs became your adult survival strategy

[00:08:00] - Clean Generosity vs. Survival StrategyMRI studies show generosity is good for us—when it comes from choice, not fear

[00:09:00] - The Three-Question TestHow to identify if you're giving from overflow or depletion before you say yes

[00:10:00] - Boundaries as Containers, Not WallsHow protecting your capacity lets your generosity last

[00:11:00] - What Wealth Boundaries Sound LikeReal-world scripts for holding your rate, offering what's realistic, and staying present without overextending

[00:12:00] - Your Reflection PracticeWhere are you overgiving? What are you secretly hoping to receive in return?

[00:13:00] - Final ThoughtsWhen you untangle your worth from your output, your giving becomes more powerful—not less

Powerful Quotes from This Episode

"Generosity says I choose to give from overflow. This feels aligned, and I could say no. Overgiving says, I can't not give even when it hurts me."

"When you repeatedly override your own needs for everyone else, your nervous system stops trusting you to protect it. So even when more money comes in, your body does not relax because it expects you to give it away."

"The problem is when you use giving as a way to buy safety, approval, belonging, or proof that you are a good person. That's no longer generosity. That's a survival strategy."

"Your boundaries are not walls. They are containers that let your generosity last."

"Your heart was never the issue. Your capacity is."

"When you untangle your worth from your output, your giving becomes more powerful, not less, because it's rooted in self-respect instead of self-erasure."

Key Takeaways

✅ Overgiving isn't generosity—it's often a survival strategy rooted in childhood patterns✅ The over-giver wealth equation: High output + fuzzy boundaries + unpriced labor = deficit✅ Women carry more emotional labor and report higher burnout rates (backed by research)✅ Overgiving erodes three currencies: time, energy, and self-respect✅ Clean generosity comes from overflow and choice; overgiving comes from fear and obligation✅ Three-question test: Will I resent this? Would I still give if there was no pressure? Am I giving from overflow or depletion?✅ Boundaries protect your ability to keep caring, leading, and giving long-term

The Three-Question Test (Before You Give)

Question 1: If I say yes, will I silently resent it later?If your honest answer is yes, that's not generosity—that's self-abandonment in a nice outfit.

Question 2: If I knew this person would still love, respect, or value me if I said no, would I still want to give this?If your desire disappears when the pressure is removed, the giving was never about love. It was about fear.

Question 3: Am I giving from overflow or from depletion?Check in with your body. Overflow giving feels like openness and warmth. Depletion giving feels like heaviness and obligation.

What Wealth Boundaries Sound Like

"I'd love to support you, and here's what I can realistically offer."
"I don't discount this service, but I can point you toward a resource that fits your budget."
"I am not resourced for this conversation right now. Can we schedule a time when I can be fully present?"

This Week's Reflection

Step 1: Where are you overgiving right now?

Step 2: What are you secretly hoping to receive in return? Approval? Security? Love? A sense that you're good enough?

Be honest with compassion. You're not in trouble—you're gathering intelligence on your own patterns.

Step 3: Choose one area to experiment with clean generosity:

Hold your rate for the next client
Offer less, but more intentional support instead of everything
Say "I'll get back to you" instead of a reflexive yes
Give a smaller aligned financial gift that doesn't put you into stress

Ready to Go Deeper?

If today's episode is calling you out and calling you forward, this is exactly the kind of work we do inside the 5-Day Wealth Activation.

We look at your wealth patterns through the lens of nervous system, identity, and behavior—so you can build money, generosity, and leadership that don't require you to disappear.

👉 Start the 5-Day Wealth Activation Today

Connect with Jennifer

🎙️ Podcast: Unapologetically In Power

🌐 Website: jennifer-damaskos.mykajabi.com

📸 Instagram: @unapologeticallyinpower

This is Unapologetically In Power—the show for high-performing women who are done proving their worth and ready to build wealth from self-trust instead of self-sacrifice.

Lead with ease. Earn in alignment. And let your generosity start including you.

Episode Transcript

UPI ep.23- The Hidden Cost of Overgiving
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[00:00:00] When your generosity quietly drains your wealth,

welcome back to Unapologetically in Power. I'm your host, Jennifer Damaskos, and today we're going after a pattern that high achieving women are praised for. Right up until it burns them out financially and emotionally. Overgiving in your business, overgiving at work, overgiving in your relationships, your family, your community.

On the surface, it looks like generosity underneath it often hides a deeper belief. If I keep giving, they'll stay. If I keep giving, I'll be safe. [00:01:00] If I keep giving, I'll finally feel worthy. If that hits a nerve, stay with me. We're not here to shame your heart. Your generosity is sacred.

We're here to separate your worth from your output so your giving can be powerful, clean and sustainable instead of quietly draining your wealth. Let's draw a clear line. Generosity says I choose to give from overflow. This feels aligned, and I could say no. Overgiving says, I can't not give even when it hurts me.

Generosity feels grounded, [00:02:00] thoughtful, energizing. Overgiving feels leaky, resentful, depleting, overgiving might look like adding extra work or sessions just this once and never charging for it. Discounting your rates because you feel guilty asking for what your work is worth.

Being the one who always pays, always organizes, always figures it out. Giving away your best ideas and frameworks for free, over and over, hoping it will turn into something. And here's the important piece. Women are not imagining the cost of this. Workplace research consistently shows women carry more [00:03:00] emotional labor, managing other people's feelings, smoothing tensions, staying pleasant, and that this load is strongly linked to exhaustion and burnout at the leadership level.

Big studies like McKinsey's women in the Workplace Report and Global burnout surveys show women leaders report higher levels of stress and burnout than men in similar roles. So when you feel like you're doing more for the same recognition or pay and you're tired down to your bones, you're not being dramatic.

You're describing a documented pattern, so let's talk about the hidden math of over giving.

I call this the over giver wealth equation. High output, [00:04:00] lower fuzzy boundaries. Unpriced emotional and strategic labor, which equals emotional plus financial deficit. On paper, you might be hitting revenue targets, delivering incredible value, getting praised as the one everyone can count on.

But internally, the numbers don't add up. You're tired all the time. You feel underappreciated. Your bank account doesn't match your level of effort. Over time, over giving erodes three currencies at once. The first one time you're giving hours, you'll never get back, often unpaid. The second one, energy you are holding emotional weight that no one else sees.

And the third one is [00:05:00] self-respect, because a part of you knows you are crossing your own boundaries, and that last one is the most expensive. When you repeatedly override your own needs for everyone else, your nervous system stops trusting you to protect it. So even when more money comes in. Your body does not relax because it expects you to give it away.

So if you grew up being the responsible one, the achiever, the fixer, the peacemaker, overgiving didn't start with money. It started with things like emotionally supporting adults when you were still the kid. Performing to earn praise, love, or safety, [00:06:00] shrinking your needs so you didn't cause problems.

Then you grew up became wildly capable and that survival pattern came with you. Now you're the woman who over delivers for clients over functions at work. Oversees everything at home, overextends financially to keep the peace. Psychologists talk about this as chronic emotional labor and long term it's linked to stress, health issues, and burnout.

So when you say, I'm so tired of being the strong one for everyone. That's not weakness. That's your body finally telling the truth. You are not broken. You are brilliant at surviving. [00:07:00] Now we get to make your generosity sustainable. I wanna be really clear here. The answer is not to stop giving. In fact,

there are MRI studies showing that generosity is actually good for us when it comes from a clean place. People who commit to giving to others light up the brain's reward and happiness centers more than people who only spend on themselves. So generosity itself is not the enemy. The problem is when you use giving as a way to buy safety.

Approval, belonging or proof that you are a good person, that's no longer generosity. That's a survival strategy. Clean generosity says [00:08:00] I choose this. I could say no and I'd still be worthy. Overgiving says if I stop something bad will happen. We are here to build the first one. Here's a simple test you can use.

Before you give your time, energy, or money, ask yourself a few questions. The first one, if I say yes, will I silently resent it later? If your honest answer is yes, that's not generosity, that's self abandonment in a nice outfit. Another question to ask if I knew this person would still love, respect, or value me, if I said no, would I still want to give this?

If your desire disappears when the pressure is removed. The giving was [00:09:00] never about love. It was about fear. And the last question to ask yourself, am I giving from overflow or from depletion? So check in with your body. Overflow. Giving feels like openness and warmth. Depletion giving feels like heaviness and obligation.

Current data on burnout tells us this isn't just a mindset issue in several large surveys, roughly half of employees and over half of leaders reported burnout. In the past year, women are consistently more impacted. So when you choose to protect your capacity. You are not being dramatic. You are intervening in a pattern that wrecks health and careers.

I want you to try [00:10:00] on a different frame. Your boundaries are not walls. They are containers that let your generosity last. When you say, this is my rate, this is what's included. This is what I can contribute now. This is my availability. You are not being selfish. You are protecting your ability to keep caring, keep leading, and keep giving over the long term.

And wealth boundaries can sound like I'd love to support you and here's what I can realistically offer. I don't discount this service, but I can point you toward a resource that fits your budget. I am not resource for this conversation right now. Can we schedule a time when I can be fully present?[00:11:00]

It may feel edgy at first. You might feel guilty, shaky, or worried They'll be upset. That's not a sign you're wrong. That's just your nervous system meeting a new behavior. It's never seen you do before. So for your reflection this week, I want you to think where are you overgiving right now?

And what are you secretly hoping to receive in return approval? Security? Love a sense that you're good enough. Be honest with compassion, you're not in trouble. You're just gathering intelligence on your own patterns. Then choose one area to experiment with. Clean generosity. Hold your rate for the next client.

Offer less, but more intentional support [00:12:00] instead of everything. Say, I'll get back to you. Instead of a reflexive yes, give a smaller aligned financial gift that doesn't put you into stress. Your teaching, your system, we can give and also protect ourselves. That shift alone changes your wealth over time.

Your heart was never the issue. Your capacity is. When you untangle your worth from your output, your giving becomes more powerful, not less, because it's rooted in self respect instead of self erasure. If today's episode is calling you out and calling you forward, this is exactly the kind of work we do in the five day wealth activation.[00:13:00]

We look at your wealth patterns through the lens of nervous system, identity and behavior, so you can build money, generosity, and leadership that don't require you to disappear. You can start today using the link in the show notes. This is Unapologetically Empower. I'm Jennifer Damaskos, lead with Ease.

Earn in Alignment. And let your generosity start, including you.