UIP ep 008
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[00:00:00] Welcome back to Unapologetically In Power, where we shed identities we never chose to wear, reclaim our truth and rise into our most empowered selves. I'm your host, Jennifer Damaskos, and today we're diving into one of the most exhausting and expensive masks of all. The fixer, this is episode eight of our theme, how to unlearn who you had to be.
And if you've ever been the person, everyone calls in a crisis, this one's gonna hit different. So let me be honest about what being the fixer looks like in your professional life. You're not just solving problems, you are absorbing them. You're not just helping. You're enabling. You're not just being supportive, you're being the human shock absorber for everyone else's chaos.
So the fixer in business looks like being the [00:01:00] team member who always stays late to clean up everyone else's rush work, taking on client's urgent requests that Aren. Actually emergencies. Saying yes to quick favor, projects that derail your own priorities, becoming the emotional support system for colleagues, clients, and competitors.
And here's the thing, you're probably really, really good at it. You can see solutions, others can't. You can anticipate problems before they happen. You can navigate crisis with a calm that others admire. But there's a cost. While you're fixing everyone else's business, yours stagnates. While you are solving their problems, your opportunities slip away and while you are managing their crisis, your vision gets buried under their urgency.
I've seen this with my clients. [00:02:00] It's the consultant who can't grow her practice because she's constantly putting out fires for existing clients. For free. It's the executive who misses her own deadlines because she's helping her team meet theirs. The entrepreneur whose launches get delayed because she keeps saying yes to quick collaborations that consume her time.
And according to research by Dr. Susan forward. People who compulsively fix others' problems often develop this pattern in environments where their worth became tied to their ability to manage others' emotions or solve others' chaos, usually at the expense of their own wellbeing. And in today's Always On Economy, this pattern is particularly expensive.
Here's what the fixer costs you professionally time. You're spending your private creative hours on other people's priorities instead of your own vision [00:03:00] energy, you are emotionally depleted from absorbing everyone else's stress. Leaving nothing for your own big moves money. You're doing unpaid crisis management instead of paid strategic work opportunities because you're too busy being reactive to be proactive about your own growth boundaries.
You've trained people that your time, energy, and expertise are infinitely available. And according to Dr. Harriet Lerner's research in the dance of anger, constantly being in fixer mode doesn't just lead to burnout. It creates resentment, chronic stress, and what she calls over-functioning that actually prevents others from developing their own problem solving skills.
So here's the translation. Your fixing isn't just exhausting you. It's izing the people around you. [00:04:00] So let me share something personal. For years, I wore the fixer mask proudly. My phone was the first to ring when a partnership went sideways, when a launch wasn't working. When someone needed strategic advice just for five minutes, I thrived on being indispensable.
Until I realized that being indispensable was keeping me invisible. While I was fixing everyone else's business problems, my own business was stuck while I was solving their crises. My own strategy was gathering dust. While I was being their hero, I was abandoning myself. The wake up call came when I realized I'd spent an entire quarter helping other people hit their goals.
My mind sat untouched, and that's when I understood. You can't build your empire while you are putting out everyone else's fires. And here's what changes. When you take off that fixer mask, you [00:05:00] stop being the solution and start being the strategist. So instead of jumping into solve, you ask powerful questions that help others find their own solution.
You stop being reactive and start being intentional. So your time becomes sacred. Your energy becomes strategic. Your expertise becomes an asset, not a given. You stop over functioning and start right sizing your responsibility because you help where it's appropriate. You step back where it's not. You let people experience the consequences of their choices.
You start attracting different opportunities. So instead of being called for crises, you're called for strategy. Instead of being the fix, you're the visionary. Instead of being indispensable, you're influential. The woman on the other side of the fixer mask, she doesn't abandon people who need help, she just stops [00:06:00] abandoning herself in the process.
So here's how to start. First, you have to recognize your triggers. Notice when you instinctively jump into help, awareness is your starting point. Then you have to practice the pause. So before offering solutions ask, is this my problem to solve? And what would happen if I didn't step in? Then you need to set clear boundaries, try phrases like, I hear you and I trust you'll find the right solution.
That sounds challenging. What options are you considering? I'm not available for crisis management right now, but I can schedule some time to discuss strategy. And last, stop fixing for free. If someone needs your expertise. Quote your consulting right? Watch how quickly the emergency becomes manageable.
And here's the power prompt for this week. Complete sentence. [00:07:00] I'm fixing blank for blank because I'm afraid blank. If I stop being everyone's go-to crisis manager, I would have time to blank. One situation I need to step back from instead of stepping into is blank. Get specific, get honest. Be real. Then commit to one boundary this week that protects your time, energy, or expertise.
I process these insights in my five minute journal from Intelligent Change. It helps me distinguish between healthy helping and compulsive fixing without judgment. Use code Unapologetic. 10 for 10% [email protected]. Remember, you weren't born to fix everyone else's story. You're here to create and own yours.
You are enough without being everyone's savior. Your worth isn't measured by [00:08:00] how many problems you solve for others. Your value isn't determined by how indispensable you make yourself. If this episode hit home, if you've recognized yourself in the exhaustion of constant fixing, don't keep this insight to yourself.
Hit subscribe so you never miss an episode. Share this with someone who's tired of being everyone's emergency contact, and most importantly, practice stepping back this week. Let someone else figure it out. Trust that they can handle it. Use that energy to build something that matters to you because the world doesn't need another fixer.
It needs your leadership, your vision, your unique contribution. And you can't give that while you're busy putting out everyone else's fires. This is unapologetically in power. I'm Jennifer Damaskos, and your permission to stop fixing starts [00:09:00] now.
